Beginner’s Guide to Massaging Your Partner

4 min

We've all given a massage at some point, whether it's squeezing someone’s shoulders or trying the familiar "Thai" hand-slapping technique on random areas of the body. But where do you start if you want to massage your partner like a pro?

Here are a few essential tips to get you started:

Tip 1: Massage Toward the Heart

A fundamental principle when starting massage is to always work toward the heart, no matter which part of the body you're focusing on. This promotes blood circulation, relieves tension, and supports lymphatic drainage.

If you ever feel uncertain during the massage, just remember to direct your strokes toward the heart.

Note: While gentle strokes can go away from the heart, any firm pressure or deeper strokes should be directed toward it. When massaging the belly, follow a clockwise motion. Pressure points and focused pressing don’t have to follow this rule but remain effective for relieving tension.

Tip 2: The More Surface, the Better – Spread Your Fingers

Try this: on your own arm, first use just one finger to stroke the surface, then use your full hand with fingers slightly spread. Notice the difference?

Covering more surface is generally better, as long as you're avoiding the bones. For instance, when massaging the back, stay between the shoulder blades and avoid pressing on the spine, but on the return stroke, spread your fingers wide and use a gentle, sweeping motion.

Want to learn already some techniques today? Try the free face massage workshop here.

Tip 3: Use Circular Motions, Where Each End is a Beginning

A rhythm in the massage helps with relaxation—predictability allows the body to unwind. Using circular movements is an excellent way to maintain this rhythm. Start with both hands on the lower back and move up and outward in circles, where the end of one stroke naturally transitions into the start of the next.

Tip 4: Work with Your Body Weight

Rather than relying solely on your hands or fingers, use the weight of your own body to apply pressure. This will prevent the massage from feeling forceful and allows for deeper relaxation. Lean into your partner's body as if you were resting on a table, and let your weight do the work.

Note: Avoid using too much oil, as it can make leaning riskier. You don’t want the body to be too slippery if you're aiming for deeper work.

Tip: Take oil with two fingers from a bottle or bowl, spread it in your hands first, then apply it evenly on the body.

Tip 5: Steady Pressure Builds Trust – Use a Number System

We relax when we know what to expect. You may have experienced going to a massage therapist who applied too much pressure at the start, making it harder for you to relax afterward. You found yourself more alert and tense, preparing for another stroke that might be too rough.

To relax, we need steady pressure that can feel intense but not overwhelming. Each stroke should have consistent pressure throughout. When you want to increase the pressure, do so gradually on the next stroke.

Using a number system can help you gauge your partner’s comfort level. Explain the system beforehand:

• 1-2: Almost no pressure

• 3-4: Very light pressure

• 5-6: Light, but pleasant

• 7: Heaven.—the muscle releases, but your partner can still breathe easily

• 8: Too much—starting to tense up

Check in with your partner every now and then by asking for their number on the pressure scale.

Want to start learning massage techniques today?

Try our free face massage workshop or explore our online couple massage course!