Is being ‘adventurous’ a bad thing?
For many years of my life, I have prided myself on being adventurous.
I loved this idea of me being easy-going, able to flow from one new situation to another, getting the live life to the fullest. After high school, I never spend more than a year in the same place. I first took a gap year, went traveling to Indonesia and Malaysia. Afterward, I spontaneously moved to Belgium with my boyfriend to study at the University there and live in a hostel. After we broke up, I traveled all through Asia, eventually to meet my current Israeli boyfriend. I moved around Europe for a bit, eventually living for almost a year in Amsterdam. Yet, when I started to sprout my roots little by little, I felt the desire for another ‘adventure’ creep up again.
‘Yet, when I started to sprout my roots little by little, I felt the desire for another ‘adventure’ creep up again.‘
I have been in Israel for over a year now, living in a few different places. Lately, I have been craving ‘grounding myself’. Settling somewhere for a longer time. I realize that what I always thought was getting the ‘full experience of life’, actually also was a way for me to never fully commit. If you settle somewhere, it means you have to deal with everything that comes with that place. My desire for spontaneity and adventure was also a way for me to keep myself in the superficial waters of safety. I rather not get too attached, than give everything and have it not work out. I am not sure what it is about, but I know it is a real thing. It might be the libra within me, having a hard time making decisions, it might be my past experiences. It might be the genuine curious person that I am. It might be the one within me who is just terrified to commit. Probably it is all of the above.
‘I realize that what I always thought was getting the ‘full experience of life’, actually also was a way for me to never fully commit.‘
Nowadays, with us being so connected, we see so many different ways of living. And even though it is inspiring and opening our minds to new perspectives, it can also bring out this feeling of FOMO (Fear of missing out). What if I choose to go left, but the right would have been the better choice for me? What if I commit to something and it turns out to be the wrong decision? What if I stay here and I eventually realize that I should have been somewhere else all along?
Me writing this now gives me an even deeper understanding of this fear I carry. How can we know what is the best choice for us anyway, other than to explore the path itself, right? And isn’t it also true that freedom always remains to force a new path for ourselves, when something is not working out the way we hoped?
‘Committing to something doesn’t mean being a slave to the decision forever. ‘
Committing to something doesn’t mean being a slave to the decision forever. Losing our freedom over it. It simply means ‘experiencing life fully’. Rather than living scattered across the surface, we deepen and explore the layers underneath. Even though it stills feels terrifying to simply ‘be’ somewhere, I want to give myself this gift. To settle in the knowing that I am going to be here for the next year. That even though life will be challenging sometimes, I am not going to run away this time. I am going to stay put because it will allow me to experience all that life has to offer in a whole new way. This means diving fully into the language; into making deeper connections; into creating a true home for myself. I want to be able to say at the end that I gave it my all. Not to take away my freedom of choice, but to gift myself the comfort of knowing that I can exhale where I am.
What has your experience been like with settling down, wherever you are? Is it easy for you to fully arrive somewhere, instead of looking around if the grass is greener somewhere else? Comment down below!
Photo by Manuel Meurisseon Unsplash
