The loving intention of the inner critic

I have this thing that any time whenever I get a message from someone close to me, that seems a bit off, short or undertoned, I instantly become anxious.

It is like an alarm goes off inside of me screaming: ‘Here you go, you did something wrong. You see. They are all leaving. Time has come.’ It makes me terrified and panicky, even though I have no idea if something is actually going on.

Do you know these moments where suddenly, you are in a situation and something happens and you are just whamming this whole story around it? We all have these certain painful places inside of us, that cause us to trigger-response in certain moments. Something happens and we go instantly into fight or flight mode.

I carry this belief that it is easy for people to leave me. So anytime when someone has a criticism or even just another opinion of me, I have to bring myself down from this story back to reality. For a long time, I tried to shift my believes by fighting them. Getting into the ring with them, thinking I could tire them out if I kept going. I always came out exhausted myself, overwhelmed by the strength and perseverance of their conviction.

‘For a long time, I tried to shift my believes by fighting them.‘

I got a message from my friend the other day that triggered this unsafety within me. There was no real tone in the message itself, other than the one I placed. Nevertheless, I felt the anxiety reach my throat instantly.

‘Instead of moving into the battlegrounds, I decided to move closer to this enemy I was trying to push out of my head.’

Instead of moving into the battlegrounds, I decided to move closer to this enemy I was trying to push out of my head. The voice that told me that I was about the be left because I had done something wrong. I asked it to sit down on this cozy therapist couch in my head and asked what was going on. She frantically told me a whole story about how she had to keep me in tune from making mistakes, to make sure I didn’t get hurt. She was terrified and fiercely trying to keep me safe. This voice was trying to keep me safe. I couldn’t believe it… Here I was, always fighting the one who was trying to protect me. Somehow we had been on the same team all along but just wore these different costumes.

‘This voice was trying to keep me safe.‘

Our inner critics are not our enemies. They are trying to protect us from getting hurt in a similar way we were hurt in the past. They are rigid, courageous, and boundless. We don’t need to fight them; we need to collaborate with them. Listen to their intentions and their wishes for us. To get up close and personal. True liberation happens when we let go of resistance and stop the inner conflict and bring peace to the table. In this silence, we can gently guide them back to love, away from fear. These voices are our protection shield not to get hurt. Connecting to them allows us not to get caught up in the story itself, but rather see the loving intention behind it.

So next time you find yourself with these loud voices in your mind; sit down with them. Bring them a cup of coffee or tea. Ask them: What loving intention has brought you here today? What is it that you are trying to protect me from? And what is needed to bring you out of fear and back home to love?

Photo by Giulia Bertellion Unsplash