Why anxiety isn’t “in your head” (and what to do instead)

24 Nov

A woman with beautiful patterns on her face

One of the things that helped me most in my twenties was understanding more about my nervous system.

I had dealt with a lot of anxiety for much of my life, and I had become very skilled at overthinking — making my anxiousness almost entirely a mental thing.

“I just need to overanalyze more, and then I will think my way out of this loop.”

When my anxiety was at an all-time high, I decided to dive into new ways of coping.

Serious times, ask for serious measures.

Over the next few months, I explored nervous system regulation through the work of Peter Levine, Jan Bommerez, Bessel van der Kolk, and eventually Stephen Porges.

Porges and his polyvagal theory

Stephen Porges introduced the polyvagal theory in 1994, which offered a completely new perspective on the nervous system. It explained why we experience anxiety, overwhelm, and shutdown, and how our body responds automatically in moments of stress.

Before 1994, the nervous system was thought to have only two states:

Sympathetic: fight or flight
Parasympathetic: rest and digest

Porges showed that the parasympathetic system actually has two branches:

Ventral vagus — supports social engagement and safety (aka “rest and digest”)
Dorsal vagus — supports shutdown and energy preservation

What I mean by “states”

When I talk about states, I am referring to patterns of activation across multiple parts of the nervous system and brain, not just a single switch. A state reflects how different systems like the heart, the muscles, the nerves, and the brain work together:

The polyvagal ladder

Porges introduced the polyvagal ladder to help us understand and navigate these states. The ladder has three steps:

Ventral vagal — safe, social, rest/digest
Sympathetic — mobilized, fight or flight
Dorsal vagal — freeze, shutdown, immobilized

The polyvagal ladder is one of the main tools I work with clients on when they come in for holistic therapy.

Why knowing your state is helpful

Understanding your state brings two main benefits:

Reduces shame: When we view our anxiousness or overwhelm from the perspective of the nervous system, we can more easily zoom out. It is not as much about the mental stories or the emotions we experience, as it becomes about the physiological response we have toward something. That perspective can bring your own agency back online.
Gives direction: Each state requires a different strategy to move toward more ease, so understanding where you are on the ladder helps you know how to properly care for yourself in the moment.

Let’s get practical

How to shift back into ease & rest/digest

Step 1: Notice where you are on the ladder

What is your experience like:

Ventral vagal signs: You feel present, calm, non-reactive, in touch with your feelings, clear-headed.
Sympathetic signs: racing heart, shallow breathing, tight muscles, agitation, or feeling “on edge.”
Dorsal vagal signs: numbness, disconnection, collapse, exhaustion, not feeling anything.

Route 1: When you’re in fight or flight

When we are experiencing anxiety, stress, or anger, our body is often in a sympathetic state.

Once we have read the signs, we can support ourselves toward more ease (ventral vagal state) with the following practices:

Practice 1: Breathe

Slow, deep exhalations activate ventral vagal. Try out: 4-7-8 breath

Practice 2: Movement

Simply think about how your body would move when it feels completely relaxed — rocking, stretching, walking slowly.

Practice 3: Add cues of safety:

Warmth: blanket, warm drink
Soft textures: petting an animal, gentle touch
Slow, predictable movements or sounds

These help ventral vagal circuits switch on naturally.

Route 2: When you’re feeling numb

Sometimes anxiety leads to dorsal shutdown.

It seems like you can’t get to your feelings, or you’re feeling frozen inside your own body.

In that case, the approach is different: Instead of focusing on calming, we focus on gentle activation so we can move up the ladder, first toward the sympathetic state.

Practice 1: Gentle movement

Soft shaking, stretching, walking and deep active breathing

Practice 2: Sound:

Try some humming or sighing or toning.

Practice 3: 5 sense practice

.The 5 senses practice just takes 30 seconds. It grounds you, connects you back to your body and senses and signal safety to your nervous system.

You can do it anywhere, even when talking to somebody.

The first step is listening what you hear. You can do this with your eyes closed or opened.

Then you smell what you smell
Then you taste in your mouth what you taste
Then you feel what you feel (feeling your buttocks on the seat or your hands around your bag
Then you open your eyes and you see what you see.Here you focus on each sense individually:

Once you notice that you’re feeling more engaged and present again, you can focus on some more relaxing practices from Route 1.

The polyvagal ladder is a tool to help you visualize your felt experience and make it easier to navigate your experience in a clearer way.

Was this helpful for you? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Much love,

Iza

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