The power of novelty in longterm relationships
It often seems like novelty and long-term relationships are opposites.
Long-term togetherness is about deepening, becoming so familiar with each other that you know what the other person will say and feel safe in the predictability that comes through knowing each other well.
Novelty is the excitement felt when exploring something you haven't experienced before - a new person, environment, or activity. In most long-term relationships, this sense of novelty is what many people find missing. Think about how many people cheat or how many relationships end because the 'spark' got lost along the way.
I would love to share with you how I think we can build sustainable, exciting long-term relationships and why I believe novelty is essential to that equation.
Relationships as holes
I'm a very visual person, so I often see relationships as spaces we cultivate in the earth—not in the negative sense, as if they are empty holes, but rather as an intricate web of tunnels and chambers, like majestic palaces carved deep beneath the surface.
When we have short-term exciting relationships, we create many shallow holes scattered across the surface. But when we go deeper with someone, we create a deeper and more expansive structure.
The further we tend to it, the more we discover. And it's not that you see the same soil and same type of sand around you all the time. The deeper you nurture this space, you discover new layers within the earth that were previously hidden. They only reveal themselves because we were brave enough to explore deeper.
I believe the universe is as vast within as it is visibly outside ourselves. We can look up at the stars or observe the multitude of people around us. But the same kind of depth exists within each of us. We can explore endlessly through layers of personality, experience, and destiny within each other.
The power of Curiosity
The number one essential thing here is curiosity. Can we stay open to being surprised? And even more than surprised, can we expect to continue finding the unexpected within each other?
It's similar to what happens when you're looking to purchase a new Toyota and suddenly all you see is this type of car on the street. When we narrow our vision towards our partner, focusing on specific things, that's all we'll see more of.
Curiosity helps us give space to the possibility of growth and new directions. Instead of confirming their predictability, we can open up to the question of who they are in this moment of their lives.
The Couple Massage classes I offer are a tool to create novelty within relationships. Although I've had couples come in who've only been dating for two months (Never felt more like a third wheel before in my life 😂 !), most couples who come to me have been together for years.
They're looking to try something new, wanting to reconnect, or seeking to support each other with a new tool. In summary, they're bringing novelty into their relationship.
Bringing novelty in through massage & touch
A topic that's still very much taboo in our society is how touch in relationships can start to feel less exciting or even boring over time. We continue doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting the same excitement as the first few times. It becomes almost mechanical.
Yet touch and our sexual connection are essential to a lasting romantic relationship, as they often distinguish great friendships from romantic connections.
During the massage classes and The Couple Massage Course, we focus on introducing various new types of touch and new ways to communicate our preferences to each other. This communication can be scary, especially if you're used to someone doing the same thing time and again, and you're afraid they might be hurt if you ask for something new.
Experimenting with novelty in the safe container we create during workshops makes it easier to implement changes afterward in our lives. We can try things for the sake of 'practicing' and see what effects they have.
I'm so grateful for each couple that has completed the workshop or the online course and for what they've shared with me afterward. How brave it is for couples to keep exploring new territory together and, instead of solidifying their relationship, understand the importance of novelty for the health of their connection over the long term.💖
If this resonates with you, the Couple Massage workshop or online course might be for you! 💛
You can learn more about our workshops here:
