5 sentences of Non-Violent Communication that help me every single day
2 min
Here are 5 sentences I use in different ways on a day-to-day basis.
As a girl who prefers harmony over anything else, I can feel very passionate about communication.
How can we share our truth in a way that someone truly hears it, and how can we make someone else feel heard?
Non Violent Communication
Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Non Violent Communication, talks about how many of us talk a lot and even scream, but not so many of us truly listen.
Nonviolent Communication is built as a tool to communicate so that someone is not activated into a defensive state (because they feel like they need to protect themselves from an attack) due to the way you approach the situation.
The main key here is to bring focus to the fact that you are responsible for your needs and the way you feel, and you're simply sharing your own experience instead of portraying something as only good or bad.
These are sentences that we also work with clients in our holistic therapy many times, as way to practice how to better express their needs to others around them.
So, 5 sentences that have changed my life:
5 sentences that have changed my life
The five sentences that changed my life are:
I see...
I feel...
The story I tell myself about the situation is...
I have a need for...
I would like to ask you...
Number 1, "I see," is an objective observation.
What do you notice about the situation?
For example: I notice my partner didn't put his dishes in the dishwasher.
Number 2, "I feel," is a subjective internal observation.
What was my internal response to the situation? For example: I feel upset and a bit frustrated.
Number 3 is about the meaning we assign to the situation. Brené Brown came up with this prompt, and I love it. What am I telling myself about this situation? For example: When I see this, I tell myself the story that he doesn't appreciate my effort to keep the house clean.
Number 4 is about the deeper need behind the feeling.
Every feeling has a need behind it, and it's our responsibility to meet our own needs. They are valuable and important. For example: I have a need for neatness in the house and a need to be recognized for my efforts.
Lastly, Number 5, "I would like to ask you," is a request. Keeping in mind that our needs are our own responsibility, a request should be directed towards how the other can support you in fulfilling this need with you.
For example: I would like to ask you to put the dishes in the dishwasher after you use them or at least within the next few hours.
If you're curious to learn more about this sort of thing, I highly recommend you check out Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. He has these many amazing videos on YouTube and an amazing book.
I am curious to hear how these sentences help you and if you've heard about NVC before. Comment down below!
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Warmly, Iza
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