Adopting all parts of ourselves
Adopting all parts of ourselves
I grew up believing there was only one way of being me.
I learned in childhood about personalities,
about the character we play out in this world & would so often hear:
'Ah this is SO typically you.'
I remember in high school looking around me, trying to hold on to one certain opinion or straight-forward answer I could give,
which would be 'who I was'. It made me feel confused.
I had friends who could in an instant speak about their likes and dislikes.
Their favorite music and all the styles of clothing they hated.
I never had that.
I could easily find a whole bucket of arguments to go with both perspectives on a certain topic.
Why I could see you could like it and how I understood it didn't feel right to some.
I felt grey.
While growing older, I did find myself having some strong opinions on certain topics. Things like equality or racism.
But so many parts still weren't distinctly colored.
I noticed the same was true for my emotions.
I could feel both anxious and excited about the same thing.
An example of my personal life right now, is my new partnership I stepped into in October this year.
A feeling of terror can circulate my body and in the exact same moment, I can feel so much happiness.
I can cry thinking about the fear of loosing him and laugh about the beauty of our connection.
It's a lot.
Teal Swan talks a lot about the mozaïek of parts we carry inside of us. Parts that are opposite from each other and all the parts that cover all the ground in between these extremes. She explains that we are actually ALL of it.
ALL the colors of emotions, of desires, of needs, of stories.
It's not finding the one part that is who we are, but adopting ALL parts of ourselves.
To move through the fear as much as through the happiness and excitement.
To say:
'Jup, I am feeling it all.'
& 'It is meant to be this way.'
What a relieve that reminder sometimes is to me.
To not need to fix the fear when it arises. Or the sadness when it comes into my system.
But to know it's just one part of me.
As is joy
As is love
Seeing ourselves as this multifacet being allows for way less heaviness when I do experience a heavier emotion. Or find myself in a darker story in my mind. It's just one part of the whole anyways. & every experience is temporary.
We are flowing through these different colors like water. Endlessly.
I learned I am actually not grey. but I carry the whole rainbow inside of me.
& so do you.
X Ies
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