The behavior that doesn't serve me
The behavior that doesn't serve me
A big journey for me lately has been self care. Showing up for myself & caring for myself. Giving myself what I need.
One moment I am on top of all things self love, from healthy food to a great work out routine..and then the next: there is this all concurring voice inside of me demanding to do the thing which I know is not self caring at all. Yet, it is so convincing.
My automatic next step is to start an inner war with it or to straight out give up the fight right away and let myself be swallowed by this self destructive desire.
So I eat the thing that doesn’t make me feel good, I watch the thing that doesn’t really serve me to watch it, I scroll and I scroll, going to bed waaay too late.
I have been asking myself and the Universe on my knees in some moments how to deal with these rebellious parts of me. Where the urge for the ‘wrong thing’ is so strong.
What came back to me was simple: let it be there. Don’t fight the thing that’s there. It’s the resistance that causes the suffering after all.
I am being worn out by my own inner never-ending discussion & all the stories saying how this will never change. It is not actually because of the actual ‘unhealthy‘ behavior...
Perhaps true self-care means caring for this desire too.
Bringing softness into that thing that seems so dark.
Asking it: What is it that you need? & Then listen with open heart.
I can see how the need for distraction is often a need for rest & relaxation.
A need to calm my own active mind & return to this human plane.
Yes, my desire for Netflix and pizza might be a tragic expression of meeting this need, but it is a way to meet it though. So how else could I meet it?
Rather than denying or fighting the self-sabotaging patterns we have, can we meet it when it comes up? Can we even go along with it, but remaining present with ourselves too? Celebrating the actual need unapoletically, so that the resistance fades away.
There will always be a part of us that wishes to rebel & I think it’s important to have space for that too!
& Can we then, afterwards, become very practical in seeing how else we could serve ourselves in this area?
It might be helpful for me to turn off screens two hours before bed & read a book.
It might be helpful to do a body scan meditation in the middle of the day or to go for a 10 minute walk in the park daily.
Self-sabotaging behavior becomes an issue when we resist it.
After all it is an incredible informative tool for us to learn more about how to love ourselves a little bit more.
It’s all up to how we respond, in the end.
Love,
Iza
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