What if you SHOULDN’T do anything ever?
What if you SHOULDN’T do anything ever?
‘'I should really eat less sugar!’ ‘I should work harderI’' ‘I shouldn’t still feel upset about this!’
How often do I find myself in situations where I believe I lack short of what is expected of me or I am choosing the wrong thing, over and over again? In all the different areas of my life, I have specific moments where I tell myself that things should be different. I should want different things, act differently, feel differently.
Yet, I do the things that I do.
I feel the things that I feel
I want the things that I want.
Resisting reality
In a way, by telling myself things shouldn’t be the way they are
I am simply resisting reality.
Because even when feeling bad about the thing that I believe is not the right thing for me, the thing stays put. The feeling is there, the action is taken and the desires remains.
But what about things that you know don’t make you feel good? Shouldn’t I go to bed earlier than I do, because I feel exhausted?
The human brain is a funny thing. In the ‘resisting‘ of certain behavior or thoughts, we actually somehow commit to them even more. We gain attachment to them the moment we tell ourselves they shouldn’t be there. Suddenly it seems like a waaaaay bigger deal, right?
I should never eat sugar? Oops..I finished the bag of cookies AGAIN!
our desires are natural
In Psychology there is a term: Cognitive dissonance. It is explaining to us that in order to shift our behavior, we need a balance between our desires and believes (two different voices in our mind). When we have the desire to have the sigaret, but we believe we shouldn’t, it becomes really difficult to quit.
Our desires are natural, real and are here to simply be acknowledged. When we reject our desires, the problems really start. (acknowledgment doesn’t always mean taking action on it though, it means; see it for what it is)
So can I first find acceptance for the fact that I want to stay up late? (even without knowing the true reason, I just notice I don’t to go to bed until very late). Can i first find acceptance for the desire to overeat? For the desire to watch Netflix instead of studying?
In this acknowledgement and acceptance, I find the flow back to choose whatever feels right in the moment. I no longer try to be perfect and never go late to bed again, because I don’'t blame myself for the desire to do so. Which makes it as simply to really enjoy (& completely satisfy) this desire when it shows up and also choose to prioritize another desire I have (to feel energized when I wake up) too.
I am so curious what you think about this way of thinking! Does it make sense to you? What are your thoughts?
Much love,
Iza
