4 min

Elizabeth Gilbert has been one of my biggest inspirations in my life so far. The way she can both speak and write in such a magnificent way makes it feel like she can capture my life experiences in words in a way I wouldn’t even be able to myself.

A few years ago, she spoke during an interview about a practice she did in her life called Letters from Love.

Writing upon one single question again and again: "Dear Love, what would you have me know today?"

As we tend to do with advice from people we admire, I put it into practice straight away.

Through trying it, this practice eventually turned into what I now call my fear to love letter. This has been the single tool I have been sharing with most of my holistic therapy and massage clients for the past few years.

As a girl who has been writing ever since she could put pen to paper (yes, all of my peers in primary school had to endlessly listen to me reading my new theater pieces out loud during the Friday afternoon open stage), this has been the single most powerful practice in returning home to myself through writing.

So let’s dive into it!

A girl writing her diary on the couch with a candle and fairy lights

Who is this for?

Whenever I feel confused, upset, insecure, fearful, or even angry about something, this is what I often turn to. The Fear to Love Letter gives both acknowledgment of our internal experience and space for wisdom and a deeper truth to be revealed. It allows the stories of our inner child to be seen and acknowledged, while also not just being swallowed by them.

This tool can be used by anyone who is able to write.

It’s for those moments when we are experiencing something uncomfortable and the first instinct is to push it away. It’s for those moments when you want to distract yourself or think things like: “Why am I thinking this AGAIN?” Or perhaps for a moment when you feel something and wish you could be taken by the hand and told by your mother that you’ll be okay.

So, how do we go about this?

Whenever you’re feeling low, take out your phone or a pen and a piece of paper and sit down wherever you are.

Literally. Anywhere.

Do this on the toilet at work if you have to. These kinds of things should be as simplified as possible.

Then, start here.

Step 1: Write from the perspective of fear.

We can divide any internal experience into either fear or love. When we feel open, expansive, abundant, loving, and empowered, we're experiencing the thoughts and emotions of love. When we feel restricted, fearful, angry, insecure, hopeless, confused, overwhelmed, or lonely, we come from the experience of fear. Other words you could use here are Expanding (love) or Contracting (fear).

The first step is to write a letter expressing all the thoughts that come to mind from this perspective, about this specific situation. Without fixing or filtering, write it as it is.

Tell the story that is going on in your head about the experience.

Be as contradictory, petty, judgmental, rough, vulnerable, and childish as you need to be.

Welcome all of it.

This is a practice that allows this part of you (which means it’s not all of you) to be fully seen and listened to.

Through this method, we put this part in the spotlight for a moment, at center stage within ourselves.

Here it gets all the attention it yearns for, so that then, when it has felt seen and acknowledged, it naturally steps back into the background.

‘Here it gets all the attention it yearns for, so that then, when it has felt seen and acknowledged, it naturally steps back into the background.’

An example of the fear letter could be:

“I am so worried she isn’t looking forward to the trip like I am. I think she doesn’t care about me as much as I care about her. It makes me feel so scared and upset because I’m scared to be alone. I am also frustrated because I want her to just be truthful with me. I am also frustrated with myself because I’m feeling all these things instead of talking with her. I always end up in the same place…”

Write until you feel like the whole story has been shared.

It needs to feel like we’re giving the mic to this part of ourselves, and it can scream all it needs to say into it, without holding back.

Step 2: Write from a perspective of love

If possible, take a clean piece of paper or even a different colored pen.

If not, open up a new note on your phone.

Now respond to your fear letter from a place of love. This is the part of yourself that is wise, your inner mother who is holding your inner child with love and care.

It is not a voice of criticism and is not here to reject any stories this fearful part of you believes. It’s here to honor and then also give rise to another perspective.

‘It is not a voice of criticism and is not here to reject any stories this fearful part of you believes. It’s here to honor and then also give rise to another perspective.’

Always start with a term of endearment: “Hi Honey, hi Babe, hi Sweetheart,” or even something unique like “Snugglebug” or “Pumpkin." Write to the voice that has been telling its story up to this point.

Then, you can write about the following areas:

Acknowledging and feeling compassion for the fearful part
Reframing: How else can I look at this? (Consider: What could be the experience of the other person, or what empowering reason might this situation have?)
What am I learning about myself and this world through this experience?
What would the BEST possible outcome look like?
What is the next step you want to take?
What do I need, and how can I bring this to myself?

If there is still something fearful to share, return to the previous letter and extend it.

An example of the love letter could be

‘I know you’re scared of feeling alone. It’s so understandable to feel this way. I want to gently remind you of your own greatness. You’re slowly learning about your boundaries and inviting more honest and clear communication. Be patient with yourself—you’ve come a long way.What if she is actually feeling the same way as you? It’s so beautiful that you value your relationship so much. What if you opened up that conversation with her and just checked in?”

The fear to love letter is here to accept all sides of ourselves. When we try to fix the emotions or stories that feel uncomfortable, we resist what is.

We reject, distract, and avoid our own truth, while actively trying to seek happiness and peace outside of ourselves. This is when we turn to food, Netflix, our phones, drugs, or alcohol.

This practice supports us in exploring these parts of ourselves in a safe and structured way. We can use this practice as a nurturing structure, following the framework it provides to help us open up.

The fear to love letter can be either three sentences or ten pages for each perspective. There are no limits or expectations, only to write from both perspectives separately.

For me, this practice clarifies my inner strength and lets me voice my deeper fears while holding both true within myself. Understanding that both are equally true—I can be both powerful and lovingly nervous.

I hope that this tool can be helpful for you too in tougher moments. Whenever you have tried it out, comment down below. I’d love to hear from you!

Warmly, Iza

Curious to find out if Holistic Therapy at With ease could work for you?

Let’s hop on a free discovery call together!

Here are some testimonials for clients who did the holistic therapy with me: