Presence for Fulfillment
In my journey with Binge Eating Disorder, I have learned many lessons that I now see applying to the bigger picture of my life. The tools that helped me escape this never-ending loop of cravings have become deep spiritual practices.
Today, I want to do a little storytelling with you. Stories are one of my favorite things in the world, and the people who inspire me the most are often great storytellers. Stories are helpful because they create a mental image and provide context for the messages we want to share. We can sink deeper into the meaning of the actual words when we have an example of them being implemented. It's similar to learning a new language: it's much easier to remember a word when we can make a sentence out of it.
Suddenly, it becomes alive.
My Binge-Eating Journey
About 5-6 years ago, food was always on my mind. From waking up until I went to bed, I thought about what to eat, when to eat, what not to eat, and when not to eat. Constant food-shaped chatter in my head. At some point, which is a story for another time, I found an amazing binge-eating recovery program. I signed up, and it changed my life.
From wanting to perfect my eating and having so many rules and restrictions, which caused deep pressure inside of me, I moved to a life of allowance almost overnight. Through the support of the program, I dove in headfirst, trying something completely different and trusting the process. Suddenly, I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and how much I wanted.
I bought cheese and bread, which I had been trying to stay away from for years, and allowed myself to indulge. The only rule I had for myself was this: 'You can only eat while being present.' No phone, no television, no snacking in front of the TV.
Seeking fulfillment in the next thing
As it turns out, my body lets me clearly know when it has had enough. Being present with my food allowed me to feel much more fulfilled at the end of a meal. I had been eating bent-forward, immersed in a binge-worthy series (Isn't this wordplay interesting?) for years at that point, only to alternate it with social-focused dinners with friends and family.
Most of the time, I would finish my plate, already craving dessert or snacking a few hours later. This feeling of seeking fulfillment in the next thing was so strong. But when I ate with focus on what I was eating, I needed way less and recognized I didn't need all that food afterward. It didn't even feel good.
Now, years later, as I feel very comfortable in my relationship with food, I still hold this practice as sacred. Yes, I do eat in front of the television, but I make sure that I pay attention to my food and my body as I am eating. This practice has spread to multiple areas of my life.
Savoring & Appreciating
How different it feels when I purchase a dress and take my time to think about it before, then try it on, then decide whether to buy it. I enjoy the purchase much longer than when I mindlessly scroll through Vinted, buying ten things in a row. Or when I purchase a coffee in a cafe and savor the first sip with my eyes closed. Or when I take the time to consciously plan my next holiday and appreciate the beauty of the moments.
We need presence for fulfillment. With presence comes a deepening of our experience, which is what we seek in anything we set out to do. We want to deeply experience this life. We yearn to be moved, and through this conscious practice, we can allow that deepening to take place within ourselves.
It's scary to think that we could potentially spend a lifetime running after the next thing or worrying about the previous thing and suddenly find ourselves at the end of the line, having missed the whole event.
Let us take these little moments throughout our day to look around and notice the flowers next to our front door. To become acutely aware of the understanding that ALL of it is a gift. Presence is about not taking the obvious things for granted, as well as really savoring the moment.
Understanding that it's all ending, and yet it's here now for us to truly enjoy.
Warmly, Iza
Prefer listening over reading? ↓
