What this society fails to tell us

I don’t remember the amount of times I sat in front of the mirror, tearing myself apart. Either I worked on my face until bleeding, pushing out pimples before they were ready or I just shamed myself for whatever I came across on my body, which I believed shouldn’'t have been there.

Turning on the television, scrolling through Instagram or walking down the shopping mall looking at the images of girls modeling the clothes in the store; it seems like perfection is portraits in every corner where I look. Girls who are smiling, girls with smooth shiny skin, girls who always dress incredible, girls who have curves in all the ‘right‘ places; girls who seem to have it all.

‘It seems like perfection is portraits in every corner where I look’

Looking out into this society, we are constantly being faced with this perception that we should be ‘more’. That this specific box called ‘perfection’ is achievable and whoever is not there, is therefore failing in one way or another.

I want to scream just thinking about it every time, because in an instant I am back there. In front of the mirror, in the changing room falling apart because my own reflection is so tough to deal with. Because I am telling myself I am failing. I am telling myself I am not good enough.

Victoria Secret Lingerie models

As I have been on my journey of healing my relationship with my body, my meals and myself, I started to see more and more clear how all of this is influenced by what we see in our external worlds. In this modern time, where anybody can use a filter and everybody tries to show themselves in the best way on their social media feed, it is hard for our brain to comprehend that these images and stories are not the actual reality.

Our brain picks up so many things every single day, most of it without us being aware of it. So all these images online and on billboards, they sneak in and steal our peace away. Making us believe that reality looks completely different than is actually the case (just think about the days at home, where all your brain sees are the people in their beautiful images on your phone)

When I was in recovery for BED (Binge Eating disorder) we were given the task to do a visual diet and to delete all accounts on our social media that were not making us feel good about ourselves. I went through my feed and suddenly saw how I was affected every time I opened my phone. All these pages of beautiful women doing yoga, living their life out in Bali or Hawaii. What I thought was inspiring me, made me actually focus more on the lack within my life.

‘What I thought was inspiring me, made me actually focus more on the lack within my life.’

One of the steps of this visual diet, included making sure we would see a large variety of bodies on our feed. I added accounts who promoted body positivity and Health at every Size. I added accounts of women who were in social terms ‘average size‘. I added accounts that were not focussed around body image at all, but who showed art or landscapes.

After a few weeks, I found myself noticing all the different bodies of people I came across on the street. Most of them not as skinny as the yogi's I had followed online for years. All of them unique in their own ways. I suddenly saw other features I hadn't looked at in years. How people smiled, how a woman would hold her pregnant belly while pushing a supermarket cart, how a girl silently sang a song waiting for the bus.

I also saw something else. I saw the girl who licked her ice-cream, only to throw it away after a few minutes. I saw her shaking hands and her skinny arms and legs. I saw the purse she opened and saw the bag of chips and the bottle of water as the only two items inside. I saw her pulling down her crop top nervously.

I saw a woman coming into the bus, her eyes facing the floor. She pulling her oversized shirt down over her larger belly. Somebody bumped into her, but she didn’t give any reaction other than a wordless opening and closing of her mouth.

I saw two girls around the age of 14 on the beach. Both wearing string bikinis and taking turns posing sexy in the sand.

I saw what this society is teaching us.

Fashion brands, parfum &make-up compagnies, diet culture, all of them receive benefit in us feeling like we need something outside of ourselves to be enough. Either to buy another dress, to cover our face with foundation or to take another diet pill. They play into our insecurities, by showing us an unrealistic, altered, illusion of perfection that they tell us we should try to reach for. This is how they sell their products, how they grow and become multi billion dollar compagnies.

'They play into our insecurities, by showing us an unrealistic, altered, illusion of perfection that they tell us we should try to reach for.’

I am angry. I am angry and confused how this is a system that we are living in. Yet I realize, we get to take our power back. The power that we always had, but sometimes forget about. The power of our focus.

Because even though we have these things around us influencing us a certain way, we can decide to go look for the bigger picture. Starting by creating more variety on our Instagram feed, to understanding that we are so much more than our bodies. Starting to focus more on how our body FEELS, instead of how it looks. Starting to focus on what blessings we have to give to the world and the blessings we have surrounding us.

Realizing that every time we want to go to buy the dress or to put the product on our face, it might be a great moment to ask ourselves how we are feeling. For what reason are you doing the things you are doing? And what is the most loving thing you can do for yourself right now?

Society fails to tell us, we are good enough already. There is nothing that we need to add, that we need to buy, that we need to change about ourselves, that can make us more worthy. That can make us more ‘enough‘.

‘Society fails to tell us, we are good enough already.‘

If this is a message that resonates, I would urge you to start a journey of self love today. Starting with doing this Visual diet, watching videos and people who promote body appreciation and positivity and begin to ask yourselves questions about the things you do and why you do them. Explore what all of this means to you. Understand deeper what kind of relationship you want to have with your body. And come back home to your body and all the incredible things it does for you, however we might be treating it.

XX

if you need some support, reach out!

Every week I hop on free discovery calls with anyone who feels called to share their story or needs some guidance on their healing journey!